


Alight

by Averia



Series: Score [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:52:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Averia/pseuds/Averia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick yearned for an answer more than love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alight

**Author's Note:**

> The last installment but the beginning of it all.

Five minutes a day was the time frame during which Bruce took his guard down. They occurred every time after a long night on the streets or after socializing with the upper class but only when both mingled together did he lose his vigilance completely. Every second was precious.

The broad shoulders relaxed while Dick followed him silently through the now dark corridors and in the cowl he would have seen the muscles rippling free of tension. Now the perfect wall of muscle, which could convey all of the important emotions, was protected from view by a formfitting but not so tight explicitly _Brucie_ -suit.

Bruce loosened the fly, letting it carelessly slip down between his fingers. The gesture was too smooth, too perfect for something so casual. How Dick would have loved to be between his fingertips instead.

He had it bad, both his heart and his libido knew if the twisting warmth was any indication.

Bruce sunk down into the armchair with a sigh and the blue eyes locked onto his, tiredness clearly reflected in them. It was such an unusual look that Dick took a moment to drink it all in, knowing it could be the last time.   

“You wanted to talk to me?” Bruce asked, leaning back as if someone had finally cut the strings. Dick smiled unsurely and made sure his gaze was focused solely on the normally frowning face. It had been a good evening, no big events on the streets and a nice funding gala with a good load of people who actually cared. For all it was worth Dick still felt as if he was ripping the five minutes peace from the man who deserved them the most.  

He had wondered for months how he should tell Bruce - if he should even tell him. There had been times when he had tried to forget. After he had seen him with others, knowing Bruce had only ever searched out woman no matter how often a man’s gaze had settled on him in the crowd. After a fight, when he realized that he was never enough to get through to him. When his insecurities became too big to carry because no matter what they did, it was never enough for Batman.

The feelings Bruce sparked in him had nothing to do with their former relationship and Dick wanted him to know before Bruce figured it out by himself. His control was slipping away. He had caught himself staring for longer than he had before, touches lingering and becoming more daring. Bruce should have called him out long ago but it had probably been just brushed off as affectionate, especially since Bruce had only been back for a few months.

The important part was, he would reveal himself through actions sooner rather than later and actions would ultimately do more damage than words. This was Bruce after all.

Dick breathed in deeply before closing the door to the study and walked towards the desk, only stopping when he nearly hit the wood. Blue eyes scrutinized him but the sharpness was lost for the moment, tiredness and exhaustion at war with the clue searching mind. They shimmered like crystal, an electrified blue.

“I know it might be unfair to burden you with this,” he begun, biting onto his lip. There was nothing he had ever wanted to do more than this while simultaneously not wanting to do it. Never had anything felt harder. Not even his decision to leave Robin behind, his decision to carry on without Bruce - perhaps because he had known it would never last. 

“Dick.”

His name was spoken with a warmth Bruce only used once in a while. Dick could count on one hand how often he had heard this tone of voice. He had wanted to hear it more often, had never stopped chasing after it.

“I hardly mind a burden more,” he said easily but stood up, trying to tell him he was taking the situation still serious and stepped a bit nearer, leaning beside him against the wood “not from you.”

Dick shook his head, laughter echoing out of his throat. They sounded painfully hollow and he grimaced. This was not making anything easier. He knew this would end with his heart bleeding, with shards of glass sticking in it. Bruce would never shatter his heart, there was too much between them for such a quick death.      

“I don’t think you are right but,” Dick stopped himself, feeling his resolve dwindle and he grasped for the last straw before it could escape. “I love you.”

There was a short moment of silence and then it became clear that Bruce did not get it, not now at least. Dick dreaded the moment he would, could feel his heart beat crashing against his rips as if it wanted to rip itself out before Bruce could do any damage.

“I know. You have told me that often enough,” Bruce said, trailing off. Perhaps he was realizing that the meaning behind those words had changed after all those long years that felt longer than a lifetime. The crystal blue fixed a place beside his head. The strong hands tightened around the wood.

“I love you, Bruce. _You,_ ” Dick empathised when he saw the reaction and could see the change immediately. There was no shock. The eyes turned as unwavering as ever, the shoulders squared as if Bruce was reading himself for a long night out on the streets. Dick wondered if Bruce had known the whole time if he had been this obvious. “I want you.”

The blue gaze snapped to him. The look he received was furious, white teeth clenched.

“You are coming to me because of _some_ teenager crush,” Bruce responded harshly, practically spit the words onto him. “I thought better of you.”

His mouth was dry and he swallowed, gaze wavering away for a short moment before returning to the ice shards of eyes. They both knew he would be more bothered by the last comment than by anything else and it hurt damn much that Bruce had said it deliberately.

“That’s not what this is,” he said bitterly, lips twitching “if it were you would not be--like this.”

Dick had wanted to say so scared, so angry but he kept away from those words, knowing Bruce would use them against him.

“My feelings are real. I have waited and I am done waiting. There are enough lies and I don’t want this to be another one standing between us.”

He tried to stay firm but the last part was more a whisper than anything else because it did hurt to know rejection would follow – had already been spoken. His eyes were glazing over with unshed tears of frustration and pain because Bruce kept silent and unwavering, a marble statue. _Batman._

Dick yearned for an answer more than love.

He reached out to his shoulder even when he wanted to touch the for once smooth cheek and his fingertips brushed over the jacket before they were harshly slapped away, his wrist caught in a firm grip.  

“Please,” Dick said. If Bruce did not want him then it was alright or at least he tried to tell himself it would be. He would accept it. Bruce breathed in through his nose and then he took a step back, letting go.

“Go home, Dick,” Bruce told him firmly, still tense as if he was about to back into the shadows and disappear, instead he turned away to the liquor cabinet. G _et that nonsense out of your head_ , was left unspoken but Dick still heard it clearly as if it was filling the room around him.

Dick knew his smile was crumbling and he nodded, not able to respond otherwise even though he knew Bruce would not see. It did not matter. They both knew he would follow the order.

He walked to the door as composed as possible. His footsteps echoed quietly in the room while glass clinked together.

He let himself fall against the closed door, trying to gather his emotions before he could stumble upon Alfred and pressed a hand over his mouth when a sob threatened to escape. His eyelids fluttered fast, clearing his swimming vision.

He kept away from Bruce for the first days, needing the time for himself. Not as if Bruce would be ready to see him yet either. It was agony because he was sure he had destroyed something if not everything. Dick kept asking himself if it had been worth it and he never had an answer.

Thankfully Batman did not evade him when he stopped on the same roof a few nights after their conversation. He kept a bit more distance than usual, testing the waters before he spoke.

“Am I still welcome?” he asked slowly, hands crossed behind his back and stance broad. He knew the question was showing his insecurities far too obviously but he needed to know. Bruce was no one he could take a time out from. There had been a time when he had been able to, had wanted to but now was not that time. He could not undo what he had said, could not erase the emotions and he knew because _god_ had he tried.

At least the question took Batman by surprise because his mouth fell open before he gathered his composure again, nodding sharply as if approving a mission. Dick had to hold back a snarky remark that would have cracked at the end, leaving its purpose useless.

“Thank you,” he mumbled to the roof not sure if he wanted him to hear or not.

He stepped closer to his former mentor, not oblivious to the way the white lenses followed his movement as if Batman expected him to attack.

Dick snorted, more out of desperation.

“Don’t worry, Big Guy. You were pretty clear. I won’t force myself onto you,” he said with a crooked grin and Bruce sighed exaggeratingly. Not calling him out on the missing amusement in his voice.

They stood like this, watching over Gotham and listening to the sirens echoing around the city while Dick waited for the orders to follow.

A gloved hand squeezed his shoulder before they dropped down into the darkness of Gotham together like they had always done.

Letting loose and fighting without thinking about it and without having to worry about a wrong move felt good, it still hurt in the calm minutes in between. Rejection was always hard, even when anticipated. He knew his feelings would not simply change instantly. If it would be that easy, he would not have confessed them in the first place.

He had not even told anyone about it and he was not sure he wanted to. A few had realized he was not doing too well but he did not want to hear that Bruce had never been for him or that he would find the right person soon enough, nor did he want to hear anything else about possibilities which would always stay just that.

“Nightwing,” he was held back by the firm voice before he could disappear over the rooftops and looked back to Batman with a tilt of his head. The imposing shadow hesitated a second before speaking on firmly. “Robin is with the Teen Titans. I would appreciate a partner tomorrow.”

Dick nodded, lip twitching and watched him disappear into the shadows. Bruce was used to ignoring and denying feelings but this was the first time Dick had seen him ignore something so organically, so easily. Did Bruce really think it was a simple crush that would go away? That this was hero worship taken too far? Did Bruce still see him as a lost child, as a confused teenager?

When he came home Bruce had already sent him information about a heist tomorrow night on a local gang. He went to bed with a small smile that seemed to rip his heart apart.

They went on like this for a week, meeting in costume and fighting together, sometimes with Damian or Tim but often alone. All those fights would have been normal if Dick could have let his confession slide as easily as Bruce had. Acting as if it was fine had become physically draining to him. He should have taken more time away instead of torturing himself by being close to the man he would never have.

They had just finished their patrol, waiting for their skin to cool and their adrenaline to recede. Dick looked up from the streets just to see a shadow in the distance moving gracefully over the skyline.

Dick pulled away from the edge of the roof as if hit, knowing it was time for him to go. He drew a quick smile at Batman, hoping it had looked real for the fraction of a second and spoke while he was already turning.

“Have fun.”

In his dreams Bruce would have stopped him, kissed him. In reality he heard the cape flutter in the wind and did not see Bruce for days.

He could not bring himself to contact him, too preoccupied with banning the pictures of Batman and Catwoman out of his head. How often had he thought about them as a couple with a smile on his lips all but encouraging Bruce? He was not contacted either but it was Bruce, he could hardly be surprised.

Everyone thought they had fought and Dick wished Bruce had made him angry. It would at least be easier to get over it. Perhaps he should have kissed him, should have fought against the feeling of powerlessness and frustration but it was too late now. He had missed his chance, had fucked up or had never had a chance.

“Thought I would find you here,” Bruce said in a deep rumble and sat down beside him, their feet dangling over the edge of the roof. Dick tried to ignore the shoulder pressing against his.

They both looked at the nuclear wasteland that was left of Blüdhaven. Dick would forever feel responsible and looking at his greatest failure sometimes helped making him forget better than a calm place in Gotham. As fucked up as it sounded.  

“Yeah, well,” Dick said, shrugging and pulling his legs up, propping his chin onto his knees, instinctively angling his body away from the broad shoulder. “I thought about going back to New York or perhaps to Chicago.”

Bruce kept silent beside him but his all present frown deepened. Like always when regarded with the glare, he felt the need to justify his decision.  

“Gotham has enough vigilantes and Nightwing is not a part of this city anymore. After being Batman for so long beside Robin it just doesn’t feel right.”

He had spoken with Barbara about it. She had not been delighted about his decision but had told him he should do what would make him happy. He knew it bothered her, that he had not told her the reason but that leaving Gotham would make it better. For his own sake he hoped he had not unintentionally lied to her.

“The Batman costume is yours now, you do know that,” Bruce said calmly, glare ceasing.  

Dick huffed.

“I guess. But who needs two Batmen if they already have the real one?” he asked with a hint of amusement, knowing he was belittling himself again. A strong hand settled onto his shoulder and Dick looked at him with a croaked grin. Bruce did not seem to think it was funny but that was hardly something unusual.   

“I,” Bruce said firmly. “I need the other one.”

Dick snorted, shaking his head.

“No, you” _don’t need anyone_. The words did not leave his lips because he hated them because they would never be true no matter how often Bruce pushed them away with exactly those words. Dick felt as if he was slipping down the rooftop when Batman pushed him nearer until his head rested against his chest and Dick looked up at him, eyes wide and heartbeat picking up. For a second he struggled, trying to get out of the grip that made breath freeze in his throat. Perhaps he had been wrong, perhaps Bruce could shatter his heart.   

“I really do need you,” Bruce said calmly, their foreheads touching. “I want you—by my side.”

He tried to shake his head but he did not want to lose the feeling of warm breath brushing over his lips. The hair on his neck begun to rise and a prickling feeling spread over his body while Bruce kept still, waiting for him even though Dick had made his interest clear weeks ago. He leaned into the touch of cracked lips, harsh stubble and warmth, trying to say _I love you_ all over again.  


End file.
